Improv for Emotional Connection
Want to be more in tune with the people you love? Learn improv comedy
When Nicholas Epley, a psychology professor at the University of Chicago, gave a listening presentation to a group of hedge funders, they probably weren’t too jazzed about the idea. Maybe they expected boring power points. Drawn-out speeches that can be summarized by “make eye contact.” But Epley was bringing something much more profound, something that good improv comedians already do with ease. He was coaching people on bringing emotions into their dialogue.
In Supercommunicators by Charles Duhigg, we learn that guiding people to a “how do we feel” conversation is going to make it a lot easier to listen to, and connect with, whoever is on the other side.
A great improv teacher will also have you checking in with your emotions over the course of a scene. Because we know that it’s hard for a scene to be memorable, to really connect with any audience, without knowing how the performers FEEL about each other. The feeling itself isn’t what’s funny about the scene, but when you combine it with context and stakes you’ve got a beautiful combination of human experience.
It’s why comedy scenes based on a transaction are more difficult to execute. When two people get on stage and start a scene by saying “I’m gonna teach you how to start the lawnmower,” it will inevitably run out of gas unless someone connects emotionally. This same thing happens in real life — when a father is commanding his son to follow his directions and learn how to cut the grass “because I said so” it’s a recipe for the son to disengage, listen less, and not follow through. There is no connection.
But if the dad can manage to convey the emotions behind the action, he stands a much better chance of the kid listening. “I’m going out of town for a month and it would make your mother less stressed out if you learned how to cut the grass.” Now there’s emotional stakes. And while the scene isn’t funny (yet!), we have the foundation set. When the kid starts asking questions about how to maintain dad’s garden sculpture of Winnie the Pooh, we now understand what’s going on. Dad has a crazy passion for his lawn and this kid is in for one hell of a time trying to maintain it all while he’s gone. Winnie the Pooh is likely just the tip of the iceberg.
Now that’s a teaching scene but with emotional relevance, stakes, and heightening. Much easier to follow through and listen. “When you open up to somebody,” Epley explained to Duhigg, “they get drawn in.”
Learn improv comedy and your default setting will be to open up. To be not just a high-end listener, but someone who can effortlessly convey to others that they are actively listening.
I teach improv comedy classes over Zoom. Learn more here.
The Supercommunicators book was really inspiring to me. I wrote more about it here: